Why Nigerian Women Embrace Sex Toys Amid Marital Struggles

Despite Nigeria’s deeply conservative and religious fabric, where sex is often a hushed topic, the sex toy industry is booming — and dildos are flying off the shelves, reflecting a surprising surge in this unconventional market as more citizens boldly embrace erotic pleasures amid economic hardships.

Most days of the week, Niniola (surname withheld) is as busy as a bee, catering to the diverse clientele who frequent her adult entertainment store.

Her well-lit store features a spa parlour alongside a wide array of intimate products and sex toys, including lingerie, sexual enhancers, lubricants, vibrators, dildos, and BDSM kits.

The microbiology graduate from a state university in the South-West, ventured into the sex toy business in 2020, a year after completing her National Youth Service Corps.

The 28-year-old believes her store’s location on an estate in the Ogudu axis has been a core selling point for her pleasure-enhancing business as most of her clients preferred a high degree of anonymity.

Niniola admitted that she sells more of her products via social media platforms and messaging apps to meet the demand for professional discretion.

“My customers don’t have to come down here physically, this business has evolved beyond that,” she said.

“They can contact us, tell us which of their products they want, we give them a catalogue to make their choices and they pay for the services including delivery and we get it across to them.

“From time to time, I get nice feedback. Some of those who patronise us are married, some are single, some divorced, some have spouses outside the country, some of our clients are women and some are men. Their maximum pleasure is our goal,” she said, smiling brightly.

On her X and Instagram accounts, Niniola regularly showcases a variety of sex toys available in her store.

She also includes her WhatsApp number, encouraging potential clients to reach out to her through private messages.

In a recent post, she announced the arrival of new dildos, assuring women that they would provide “long-lasting pleasure.”

When our correspondent inquired from her about the patronage of dildos and whether the economic situation has affected its demand, she giggled.

“I started this business in the middle of COVID-19 and I can tell you that we made a lot of sales during that period. You know, the lockdown and social distancing affected many relationships. Many lovers were stranded and people sought sexual fulfilment from our adult novelty products.

“Even now, I can’t say the economy has affected our business because we still make good sales. We even receive orders from outside Lagos. No matter the economic situation, people will always have enough to attain sexual satisfaction because it’s important,” Niniola added.

‘I’m helping my husband’s weakness’

When Mrs Bunmi Awoyemi (not real name) was first introduced to sex toys a few years ago, she felt a tinge of shame, reflecting the influence of her strict religious upbringing.

The mother of two explained that she arranged for the delivery to a location slightly away from her home, ensuring that no one in the neighbourhood would recognise her or guess the contents of the package she was picking up.

“My husband was the kind of man who downloaded even before the play began. Within a minute or two, it was over. He is a lovely man and a good husband but that’s just our only problem.

“I wasn’t satisfied and rather than cheat on my husband, I decided it was time to try out sex toys. I ordered a vibrator and a dildo and so far, I can say they have made up for my husband’s weakness,” Awoyemi said.

Like Mrs Awoyemi, it was gathered that many married women and ladies in relationships use sex toys such as dildos to satisfy themselves.

Single ladies who have been jilted by men or have not yet found a man to warm their beds also use artificial penises to pleasure themselves.

“It’s safer to use dildos than to sleep around and get infected with venereal diseases. I would rather pleasure myself with dildos than allow men to lie to me, cheat on me, and break my heart like they like to do,” a hairstylist who gave her name as Cynthia, asserted.

Dildo varieties

Dildos are adult sex aids that are often used to attain sexual climax for women and also for men.

“While they are sometimes meant to feel like a penis, they don’t have to look like one. They come in different materials, shapes, and sizes. Some dildos are curved to stimulate the prostate or G-spot,” according to WebMD.

Findings revealed that there are different kinds of dildos based on their structure or designs.

Some dildos are made to look like a penis with testicles while some are made to be strapped on with a harness.

Some dildos are made with a suction base to adhere to a surface, others vibrate to stimulate the user while some, known as double-sided dildos, are designed for two partners to use at once.

The materials with which these dildos are made also vary. There are glass, silicon, rubber, plastic and wooden dildos, some of which are also sold by traditional herb vendors.

Phalluses as old as time

Far from being a novelty dreamed up by the Western mind, dildos have a rich history spanning centuries.

In 2005, German scientists uncovered what The Register described as “one of the world’s oldest sculpted phalluses, measuring 20cm and meticulously crafted from polished siltstone about 28,000 years ago.”

Egyptian paintings from 3,000 BCE also showed women wearing large phallic objects around their waists to pay tribute to Osiris, a major Egyptian god.

The ancient Greeks – the architects of Western civilisation – also made stuffed dildos out of leather, which men often gifted to their wives when they left to go to war.

During the Renaissance, elite members of society reportedly had dildos custom-made from materials like silver and ivory.

Later in the 17th century, English men who were fearful of how artificial phalluses could pose a threat to their sexual prowess passed some laws that prevented women from making them.

Following England’s steps, America banned the sale of rubber dilators, medical devices that help stretch the vagina, leading to the creation of an underground sex toy market.

It was during the sexual revolution in the 1960s that dildos were, once again, widely accepted as tools for pleasure and sexual liberation.

A booming business

In the conservative Nigerian society where an open discussion of sexual issues is often frowned upon, checks by our correspondent revealed that some vendors are heavily patronised and make millions of naira from sex gadgets.

Although frowned upon by Christianity and Islam, many patrons, both online and offline, frequently patronise adult entertainment stores to make up for what is missing in their bedrooms.

Sandra, a sex aid vendor whose store is located in Lekki, explainedthat dildo prices vary based on their sizes, colours and structures.

“The cheapest we have is N11,000 and that is for size 7. We also have size 10 which is N50,000. We have the one made with silicon, N85,000 and strap-on, N25,000.

“The bigger the size and the more realistic the dildo is, the more expensive it is. We have a strap-on dildo that uses a remote control also. That one is N40,000 and we get good patronage on all our products,” Sandra said.

Another vendor in Surulere who gave her name simply as Faith, noted that although there are still some states where sex toys are sold “under the counter,” they have many clients from across the social strata.

“I won’t give a specific figure, but we rake in millions of naira in an average of six months, give or take. We get both male and female customers across different social classes, ethnicities and religions. We don’t discriminate.

“Our products are mostly imported and their prices have risen over the last year due to the forex issues, but yet people still contact us daily for their needs,” Faith disclosed.

An estimate by Statista showed that “the global sex toy market is expected to grow steadily between 2019 and 2026, from approximately $27.17 billion to around $52.7 billion in that period, reaching a value of $80.7 billion by 2030.”

A 2022 survey in the US revealed that approximately 82 per cent of female consumers own some form of sex toys. Additionally, the findings indicated that these toys are most prevalent among individuals aged 25 to 29.

In a video which went viral in February 2022, a lady in Warri, Delta State, expressed astonishment after she found out that a shop which had restocked about 7,000 dildos of different kinds, sold them out within three days.

“They carry 7,000 dildos, different sizes: long, medium and small. They stocked the dildos at the woman shop on Friday and by Monday, we reached there, that place don empty. Who buy them? Who buy the dildos, na mama Destiny?” the woman told some men in Pidgin English.

Women’s sexual awareness

In September 2022, a Nollywood actress, Nkechi Blessing, caused a stir online after she distributed sex toys and dildos as souvenirs at an event in Lagos.

According to a short video of the actress recorded at the event, she said, “I am not saying men are scum because I have a man, but you need to have one (dildo) for yourself in case you don’t have a man.”

Responding to the widespread criticism which greeted her gesture, Blessing revealed that some of her critics begged her on WhatsApp messenger to have the dildos despite lampooning her on social media.

Similarly, in March 2020, popular vlogger and media entrepreneur, Toke Makinwa, advised ladies to please themselves by using sex toys.

“Why is it that we think that sex is something that men are meant to enjoy and something that we are meant to give to men? You deserve orgasms, you deserve a good time, and you deserve less shyness and more boldness.

“I think every female should have a vibrator. I mean, are you crazy, you don’t have one in 2020. Like, dude, how do you even know what your body needs? There are three types of vibrators I will advise every lady to get,” she said in the video clip shared on her Instagram page.

A 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy took a survey of 1,000 women aged between 18 and 94 and most of the respondents admitted that they could not reach their orgasms without clitoral stimulation.

An online sex toy store, Erotic Planet, in its Instagram post highlighted some of the common types of adult novelty toys used by women.

It listed vibrators such as wand, clit suction toys, rabbit and finger vibrators and wireless panty sets.

Others include anal toys such as butt plugs; nipple toys such as nipple clamps and penetrative toys which include dildos of various sizes.

Speaking on underlying medical conditions that could make men and women seek out the use of sex toys, the director of the first online adult novelty store in Nigeria, Iheoma Obibi, said, “This can be for individuals being treated for epilepsy and high blood pressure. There are, of course, other pre-existing conditions but individuals must make attempts at discussing with their medical professional as well as with their partners.

“The business has always had room for growth; the issue has been if we can ensure that we do not dump on the unsuspecting public badly made Chinese fake products which are cheaper.

“Getting staff who are willing to learn the special nuances of understanding what sex toys are and can speak about them without the conversation degenerating to gutter talk.”

Clients in same-sex relationships

When our correspondent contacted a sex toy vendor, Tunde (surname withheld) who resided in Lagos, he indicated that only seven-inch dildos were available in his stock.

This, he noted, was due to the high patronage that he receives, especially from clients who identified as gay and lesbian, adding that he had other pleasure gadgets such as poppers, enema bulbs, fleshlights, and different brands of ejaculation delay cream.

“Seven inches is a medium size penis. It’s not too big and not too small. I have the N23,000 one and the N25,000 one. Dildos are a necessity for lesbian ladies. Many queer guys like it too,” Tunde said.

On his X account and WhatsApp status, the vendor regularly posts videos of various male models to illustrate to clients how these gadgets are used.

“There is virtually no area inside Lagos that people have not requested for dildos, lubes and other products. The truth is, many young people today are more sexually explorative and are willing to try new things in the bedroom,” Tunde added.

One of his clients, who pleaded anonymity noted, “I prefer using my dildo whenever I am horny and I need it in my anus. It’s safer than being ‘kitoed’ (set up by blackmailers) or being infected. This is my way of pleasuring myself.”

Sharing a photo of himself posing with several dildos, another client, Seun (surname withheld), who identified as bisexual, confessed that he uses dildos to pleasure himself whenever his girlfriend travelled out of the city.

A dildo patron, identified simply as Desola, who identified as a lesbian, noted that not only does the dildo help her attain sexual climax, it also protects her from exposure to sexually transmitted diseases.

“I use it often and it goes a long way to reduce my rate of exposure to STDs. It’s really no different from those who climb penis, so there’s no issue with it,” she told our correspondent.

Medical experts have noted that dildos can provide internal stimulation to the G-spot, a sexually sensitive area in the vagina, prostate, or other parts of the vagina or anus.

This sexual arousal has been noted to help the body release the feel-good hormones dopamine and oxytocin.

“Every man has a male G-spot. Stimulating the man’s G-spot will give a man the wildest orgasm he has ever experienced. Sadly, most men will never experience this in their lifetime.

“You have to pass his anus to get to a man’s G-spot. A lot of men who felt this probably had this weird feeling first in a hospital when they were getting their prostate checked by a doctor,” the co-founder of Priv Health, Dr Olusina Ajidahun, noted.

Pros and cons

A healthcare practitioner, James Lekwauwa, in an interview, explained that dildos provide new and different sensations and offer experiences that manual stimulation alone may not achieve.

He further stated some sexual medicine experts have recommended sex toys as part of therapy.

“Sex toys are not high maintenance and only need a battery change. They are generally not harmful as long as you make sure they are properly cleaned, used for the intended activities and are also the right size for you,” Lekwauwa added.

However, he disclosed that sharing sex toys can spread sexually transmitted infections and advised that “it’s best used by the owner and not to be shared.”

“Furthermore, if you use a dildo that is too big or goes too hard, it might hurt. Always make sure to take it slow and see what feels right. Its psychological effect is that over-reliance on dildos might make it somewhat difficult to enjoy sex without them.

“There is another urban myth that if a sex toy is made with a platinum-grade material, it won’t harm. This is a myth that is often perpetrated,” he noted.

Also commenting on the negative side effects of the use of sex toys, a mental health expert, Kelechi Okwaraji, stated that overt users may not feel encouraged to socialise with other people because they have the option to fall back on.

“They tend to give users an unrealistic expectation of partner-to-partner sex. Some of these sex toys are powered by batteries and can last longer and faster than a human male. Once the mind gets used to this, it can make natural intercourse pale out.”

Experts urge caution

On her part, a psychologist, Olubunmi Onipede, explained that she did not personally buy the idea of the use of sex toys due to their nature of disrupting social interactions.

“I need to let people understand that sex toys make people feel anxious, asocial, and even terrified to go back and be amongst people later on. It affects social relations and it also leaves certain consequences on sex life.

“As much as people enjoy these items, it is a medium-risk activity for most sexually transmitted infections if you share them with a partner. Its prolonged use also damages the skin.”

While noting the social stigma attached to the use of dildos, Onipede further explained that a lot of dildos and other penetrative toys might be harmful to human health.

“They are made from rubbers and plastics which may be harmful to human health. Bacteria can grow in there, and they might never be fully sanitised. Toys that contact other people’s fluids are inherently unsafe,” she added.

Responding to questions about the dangers sex toys could pose to the human body system, Ajidahun, in a post shared on his X account in November last year, warned that a research study indicated that certain harmful particles are present on the materials used.

“Amongst the materials that were noted to have come from the friction of the toys were small particles known as ‘Micro and Nano plastics.’

“A critical analysis showed one in particular ‘Phthalates’ which is a known substance that has the potential to disrupt the organ in our body called the pancreas which produces insulin which can increase the risk of diabetes.

“They also noted that some of these particles had great potential to cause damage to our nerve cells increasing the risk of brain damage. Since this study might not be fully representative, it linked the risks and made recommendations for more research to be done to understand more,” he wrote.